When we say those vows on our wedding days many of us have on these very optimistic rose-pink hued glasses. Those sicknesses we promise to be faithful through are ones (in our minds) like colds or the flu or some such thing.
But when life gets hard, and our spouse goes through “hell” -whether that be pain or some other chronic illness – are we really as true as we’d like to be?
Since Christmas my husband has been on sick leave for his back. His diagnosis is one that would seem to be incurable and one that you can only learn to curb and live with and keep from progressing.
He decided to return to work Monday- despite the pain since he was sick of being home. But this week has been worse then all those before.
I have never seen my husband so emotionally low, sometimes that frightens me. He- my strong one crumpled up in self-loathing and pain.
We believe, we pray. Yet God doesn’t answer the way we hope.Why?
Last night was another sleepless night. He tossed and turned and kept me awake with all that movement. I massaged his back to try to work some of the tension out of his upper back and help him curb the pain. Because pain leads to tension- which leads to more pain- a vicious cycle.
I asked him what else I can do to help him and he said, “Pray.”
And so we again went to our Father in prayer. We cried together, we ached together. Perhaps he, because of the intense pain and loss of all hope of living normally. Me, because I felt so weak and incapable of doing anything to ease his great suffering.
Somehow this prayer time was different- perhaps because we were so utterly broken and hopeless. Knowing that God alone was the only one who could bring any relief and sleep to my poor husband. Perhaps, because finally I was truly honest with God in my prayer. Honest to admit that though I have never seen God answer my prayers to heal, I DO believe HE heals. And perhaps because we were so utterly and totally united in our prayers.
Sleep finally came and though the morning was still painful for my husband somehow this day has been different- easier. My husband came home after a very long work day- I was expecting to see the haggard, pale, tormented “glass-man” (fragile, avoiding hugs and any contact) of yesterday. Yet he looked almost “normal”.
Thanks be to our Heavenly Father that though we do not understand His ways or His timing and know not what tomorrow holds- He is in charge and we need only walk by faith. one step at a time.