I have been waiting for a writing prompt from Ellen that I felt I wanted to make the time to write about and this one was just for me. Here is the link to her post.
Two nights were spent in sleeplessness and the hours stretched on and on with ever increasing pain and contractions. I felt I would break in two as my baby born down within me. I had been told I would want to push, I never did. On the other hand I wanted to fight the contractions that kept pushing this baby out of me and keep him in and the pain away. Labor is something uncontrollable, something we cannot fight against. After a very long labor and a long pushing time I finally pushed out the baby who made me a Mother. Our firstborn was tiny, 5 lbs. 7 oz., this baby with it’s precious squeaks like a tiny mouse was placed in my arms and I was finally rewarded the prize of my pains. Born in our bedroom with the assistance of our wonderful midwife, in peace and gentle sunshine. It was I who made the announcement to my husband, “You have a son.”
I was afraid of pain going into this second labor. Yes, I knew what to expect having done it before. Yes, I knew I could do it, but still I dreaded the feeling of breaking in two. Another long labor, yet calmer, slower, perhaps even longer than the first. This baby would not come down for the longest time, finally when I lied down for a rest from my pacing my waters broke with an explosion. In an hour or so this baby pushed its way from my protesting body. My husband said to me, “Your dream has come true. We have a daughter, Amelija is born.” And my cherub baby so plump and pink was laid on my chest protesting and whining as she met this world.
The third time is said to be a charm, right? I was determined that this time I would be prepared for labor. I was determined that something had to change. I was determined that if some women can have their babies without pain that I can surely have my baby with less pain. I did all kinds of birth art and reading to prepare me for the task ahead. I decided that rather than having my 3rd baby at home I would go to a birthing house and try giving birth in water.
The birthing house was so homey, quiet, still and welcoming. I was already 7 cm along when we arrived and that surprised me. As soon as the tub was ready I got in and enjoyed floating light as a feather with the soundtrack of pond sounds in the background. I felt like I was swimming in a pond when I closed my eyes.
My midwife soon told me our baby was ready to come out, it will only take 3 pushes and you can have him out. “Yeah right, I thought. I haven’t even begun to feel the burning and bearing down. I must have lots of time to wait still.” Two or so hours passed with her encouraging me to push and me trying to resist my bodies urges. I groaned, screamed and finally decided my throat hurt from all that noise. My husband had run down to get me a drink and I decided I was going to push and just try to push this baby out like she had been telling me to do. 3-5 min. later and our baby was out, he was placed on my chest, slippery, and with quiet protests. I talked to him gently, calming him with my voice as he voiced his displeasure at how tightly the cord had been around his neck and how long I had refused to let him out. I was shocked, I was happy, I was excited. “Wow, where was the pain I feared so much?” I felt on cloud nine as I held my darling boy in my arms, my baby of peace.